DIRTY TALKING: HOW TO GET STARTED
The difference between “meh” and mind-bending ecstasy could be on the tip of your tongue. And no, I’m not talking about your latest Pornhub discovery. The immense erotic power of words is often understated, read on to discover how dirty talking can unleash your love in a post-lockdown world.
AFK: ASK FOR KONSENT
Words can describe emotions and feelings but also have the power to arouse and create intimate feelings. This is why, in one of the pandemic’s more surprising outcomes, sexting is now considered a survival skill.
BUT raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimised by (nope, not Regina George) sexting- all that erotic tension and then you meet one-on-one it’s colder than the frozen aisle in Whole Foods. It’s time to bring that sexual tension to real life and AFK (Away From Keyboard), dirty talking could just be the answer.
So if you are thinking of venturing in the great world of sexy talks here are a few tips that can get you started… and keep you going.
Let’s talk about my favourite word: C O N S E N T!
Finding the (fine) line between dirty talking and degrading is an important step and one that should be discussed with your partner. Doing so will allow you to strut confidently inside the boundaries that are comfortable for both or all of you.
Introducing new things in a relationship of any kind can be complicated, but remember that a conversation for consent can still be sexy. Whisper in your partner(s)’ ear, ask them how, when and where do they want to do something, if they are open to it and respect their answers. Pay attention to the reaction of your partner, if you notice they feel uneasy, stop. And if YOU feel uncomfortable with what your partner is saying, tell them to stop.
HOW TO GET DOWN WITH TALKING DIRTY
Quiet sex can be an awkward experience for a lot of people, especially when you’re just getting to know your partner(s). In the first stages of getting to know someone sexually sounds might just not be enough to communicate properly and avoid dreadful situations such as “Did you like it?” or “Rate me from one to ten, my ex used to say at least 8 every time” (based on a true story).
Dirty talking can be used to build up on those sexy, tingling feelings and increment the excitement, to get your partner(s) in the mood for naughty times or to keep them thinking about you when apart.
But where to start?
- A quieter tone can make all the difference. Make your partner(s) feel comfortable. Don’t shout at them (at first), place your lips near their earlobes or their neck and whisper. Allow the sensation of closeness to turn up the heat.
- Choose words based on your desires and how you feel in the moment. This will ground your words in the actions straight away. An example could be “I’m so turned on right now” or “I like the way you touch me there”
- Just like in life you have to learn to walk before you run, start in the bedroom to take confidence with dirty talking. Even though it sounds way erotic to think about whispering naughty thoughts to each other in the back of your Uber home, it might be better to start from a place that feels more comfortable for everyone.
- Start easy and explore yours and your partner(s)’ limits slowly. You will eventually move to more hardcore, intense versions of dirty talking if that’s where you want to be headed, but enjoy the journey and discover more things about yourself and your partner(s) along the road.
- Remember that dirty talking works differently for everyone. One partner might be comfortable with all your boundaries and other partners might not. Keep in mind that it might be necessary to tailor the experience to yours and your partner(s) style etc time.
- Practice, practice, practice! Know that it is normal to feel embarrassed or awkward when experimenting new things, but it is completely normal to want to explore and push the boundaries of your sexual experiences as long as you and your partner(s) are comfortable. Practice by texting, move into calling and then try it live.
It’s been a tough time for everyone’s sex life but dirty talking can be a big step in bringing your fantasies to life. Now, translate those emojis into words and learn a language of love, one that’s tailor-made to your fantasies and boundaries.
And hopefully, we’ll all leave the coldness of the frozen aisle and we’ll start harnessing the power of that erotic tension.
And if you are on the path of discovering new things to spice up your sex life, check out our blog 9 BONDAGE TIPS FOR BEGINNERS: HOW TO AVOID TYING YOURSELF IN KNOTS. We explore how to get into the exciting world of bondage with beginners tips about safe words, ropes and aftercare.
By Michela Foti